7 Reasons Not to Date a Teacher

I live in a small town that is basically in the middle of nowhere. Living in a tiny town has its perks (for example, I always forget that traffic is a thing because that never happens here), but there are also some disadvantages to living in a tiny town. One of the huge disadvantages is the tiny dating pool. In an effort to expand my tiny kiddie pool of dating prospects into something a little more reasonably sized I have joined an online dating site. I really could have an entire blog dedicated to my ridiculous, random, and rarely successful adventures in the wonderful world of cyber dating, but I'll spare you for now. I will tell you one thing I have learned: a surprising amount of men want to date teachers. More often than not my conversation with a cyber stranger will begin with "I've always wanted to date a teacher". I don't know what the deal is there, but I've been thinking a lot about it, weighing pros and cons and such, and in the end I have decided that you absolutely should not want to date a teacher. Here are 7 reasons why: 

1. I'm only good with kids from 7:30-3:30. 

I worry that the main attraction to dating a teacher is because people think I'm extra good with kids. I think it would be more accurate to say that I'm extra tired of all the kids in my life and I'm extra glad they go away from me at 2:30. 

2. You'll become my little classroom helper. 

You know what would be nice? If they gave teachers assistants. I mean just for the busy work stuff. I'll still do the teaching. I'll even do the grading and the planning! But it would be amazing if I could get someone to move all the desks around for me when I decide that my students absolutely need their desks in groups of 3 instead of 4, or to move that big ugly bookcase out of my classroom, or to enter the graded papers into the computer, or even just push the "keep watching" button when I'm grading papers and watching Netflix and Netflix thinks I've been watching for too long. I'm already tempted on the regular to ask random strangers to do those things for me. If I was dating a guy it would be real tempting to ask him to do those things for me. 

3. Sleep is my only hobby. 

The number one question I get asked during the first few messages with a new cyber guy is "What do you do for fun?" I used to be able to say things like "I read, I travel, I go to dance parties, I watch movies, I play games, etc. etc." but I don't do any of those things anymore. I literally come home (usually around 7 or so) and am so exhausted that I collapse on the couch. I "watch" a couple episodes of Shark Tank or Chopped (I say "watch" because I'm really mostly napping) and then go to bed. I get excited about my life when I'm in bed by 9pm. How exciting is that to a prospective dater?

4. We can't go on dates because I'll run into my students. 

It's just awkward, you know? They always ask in class the next day: "Ms. Teacher, who was that guuuuuuy you were with? Is he your booooooyfriend?" Then the whole class will go "oooooooo" and my lesson will be completely derailed for 10 minutes because students are shockingly good at not talking about math in math class. 

5. You will never be able to lie to me. 

The sensors in my head that detect when someone is lying to me have been honed and perfected due to the extreme amount of lying that happens in a junior high school. I had some embarrassing encounters before my lie sensors were fully developed. Once a girl talked to me every day before class for a week about her little sister who was sick and had to be taken to the hospital in an ambulance and they didn't know what was wrong with her and she was staying in the hospital for days. When then student's mom came to parent teacher conferences I asked how her daughter in the hospital was doing. She looked at me like I was a loon and said "I don't have any other daughters." I know better now. 

6. Eating with me is a joke. 

I've trained myself to scarf down my meals in 5 minutes or less without even sitting down and with taking time to yell at the students who talk during lunch detention. Spending an hour at a restaurant is just going to feel like a waste of time. I'll probably start thinking about all the tests I have to grade. 

7.  I'm used to getting my way. 

Every day of my life is filled with me telling people to do things. They either just do it, or they don't do it at first so I shoot them a "teacher look" and then they do it. Not doing what I say is just not an option. This causes problems in my real life when, for example, I try to get my sisters to give me the last piece of their chocolate orange and they just won't. I don't have the coping mechanisms to deal with that. 

So there you have it. Try to keep it on the DL though because I don't really want to never go on a date ever again.