We do math in here.

One of my classroom rules is "Work Hard" and it's one of my favorites. When my classes got all shaken up at the start of the new term I got a lot of new students. Most of them are adapting to my class well, but some of them are struggling.  There is one in particular (we'll call him B) who is having a hard time adjusting to the way things are in my class.  B is one of those students who likes to sleep in class and fail every test. I'm not okay with that. I make sure to call on B any time he looks like he isn't paying attention (which is a lot) and chastise him when he puts his head down or gets distracted by his pen (Because for real? Your pen is more interesting than me? That's just offensive.).  One day he was getting particularly frustrated with me because I kept badgering him to stay on task and do the problem on his whiteboard and talk to his neighbor about this and answer this question.  I said things like "We don't doodle on our whiteboards in this class" and "We don't put our heads down in this class" and "We don't throw paper wads in this class".  Finally he got so frustrated that he yelled "APPARENTLY WE DON'T DO ANYTHING IN THIS CLASS!" One student, who has definitely given me their share of problems, said something that validated my whole life: "Yes we do B, we do math in here."

Teenagers say the darndest things (6).

Was this actually hilarious or was I just exhausted today?

When opening a link on the computers a student typed in the wrong URL and said "I think I'm at the wrong site, but on the plus side now I know about my opportunity to earn an MBA!"


Click below for past posts of teenagers saying the darndest things.
5     4     3     2     1  

Life Lessons Learned from Trashketball

Sometimes when we have to review we play trashketball. There are lots of different versions floating around the internet, but basically students answer a question about whatever we are learning and if they get it right they get to shoot a basketball (or a wadded piece of paper) into the trashcan from a 1,2, or 3 point line to earn points for their team.  My students love this game and I love it because even though we only do math for half the time and are shooting baskets for the other half it keeps the rowdy boys engaged which is hard to do always.

The 1-point line is literally a step away from the basket. You can pretty much reach out and drop the ball into the trashcan.  It's a guaranteed point.  The 2-point line is a little trickier, but still doable with a soft, underhand toss. More than half the time that will go in. The 3-point line, on the other hand, is pretty much impossible. You have to overhand it, but not so hard that it hits the ceiling, and land it right in the trashcan because if it hits the wall behind the trashcan it will bounce too hard and miss the target.  Here's the thing though: everyone goes for the 3-pointer.

I was getting frustrated today when student after student missed the 3-pointers. The interesting thing is that, for the most part, no one would try for the 1 or 2 pointer. In one of my classes the score was 0-0 the entire game because no one could make the 3-pointer. Some of the students would even sit in their seats and direct the student shooting "Just get 1 point! That's better than nothing!" but then as soon as they got up to shoot they wouldn't be able to resist the urge to try for the 3 (and miss).

In my frustration I finally realized why I love junior high kids so much: they will always go for the 3.  Even when it seems impossible, they believe they can make it.  They will try, against all odds. Isn't that amazing? I think this attitude only lasts for a few more years and they get jaded by the realities of the world, but for now they truly believe that they can do things that no one has done before. They literally believe that they can change the world. And who am I to tell them they can't?

That Time a Kid Hid in My Closet For Half the Class

You know how the "problem" kids are never absent? That's a thing. The kids that cause the most trouble almost never miss school.  So I was totally surprised when *Brandon was absent that day. I even asked the class "Where is Brandon?" because even though he caused disruptions, he was hilarious, and I was kind of bummed he wasn't there. Nobody knew where he was so I went on with class as usual. The kids worked on their bell work and then we did the problems on the board and started on to the lesson.

About 20 minutes into class I heard this quiet tapping that I couldn't place. I kept going with the lesson, but I was looking at each kid's hands and feet to find the noise maker. I couldn't find it.  The tapping stopped and I figured I must just be hearing things.

The tapping started again.  This time I tried to walk towards the sound. I had isolated it to one side of the classroom, but I still couldn't see which student was making the noise.  I started to realize that I must have finally lost it and am completely making up noises so I asked the class "Do you guys hear that?"

To their everlasting credit they all kept straight faces while they told me "It sounds like it's coming from the closet.." Some even managed to look nervous and asked if I kept any animals in there. I tried to assure them that there was no way the sound was coming from the closet, but as I was saying those words a distinct knocking came from inside the closet.

I threw it open and there was Brandon sitting inside the closet.  The class erupted into laughter while I just stared in awe. He had been in there the whole time and everyone knew except for me. On the one hand I was impressed that the class could hold it together well enough to pull that off for half the class. On the other hand I was (and constantly am) surprised by how much can get by me. I really feel like I have a grip on what's going on in my classroom and then things happen like students start popping out of closets.

*Name changed to protect the not-so-innocent.

7 Reasons Not to Date a Teacher

I live in a small town that is basically in the middle of nowhere. Living in a tiny town has its perks (for example, I always forget that traffic is a thing because that never happens here), but there are also some disadvantages to living in a tiny town. One of the huge disadvantages is the tiny dating pool. In an effort to expand my tiny kiddie pool of dating prospects into something a little more reasonably sized I have joined an online dating site. I really could have an entire blog dedicated to my ridiculous, random, and rarely successful adventures in the wonderful world of cyber dating, but I'll spare you for now. I will tell you one thing I have learned: a surprising amount of men want to date teachers. More often than not my conversation with a cyber stranger will begin with "I've always wanted to date a teacher". I don't know what the deal is there, but I've been thinking a lot about it, weighing pros and cons and such, and in the end I have decided that you absolutely should not want to date a teacher. Here are 7 reasons why: 

1. I'm only good with kids from 7:30-3:30. 

I worry that the main attraction to dating a teacher is because people think I'm extra good with kids. I think it would be more accurate to say that I'm extra tired of all the kids in my life and I'm extra glad they go away from me at 2:30. 

2. You'll become my little classroom helper. 

You know what would be nice? If they gave teachers assistants. I mean just for the busy work stuff. I'll still do the teaching. I'll even do the grading and the planning! But it would be amazing if I could get someone to move all the desks around for me when I decide that my students absolutely need their desks in groups of 3 instead of 4, or to move that big ugly bookcase out of my classroom, or to enter the graded papers into the computer, or even just push the "keep watching" button when I'm grading papers and watching Netflix and Netflix thinks I've been watching for too long. I'm already tempted on the regular to ask random strangers to do those things for me. If I was dating a guy it would be real tempting to ask him to do those things for me. 

3. Sleep is my only hobby. 

The number one question I get asked during the first few messages with a new cyber guy is "What do you do for fun?" I used to be able to say things like "I read, I travel, I go to dance parties, I watch movies, I play games, etc. etc." but I don't do any of those things anymore. I literally come home (usually around 7 or so) and am so exhausted that I collapse on the couch. I "watch" a couple episodes of Shark Tank or Chopped (I say "watch" because I'm really mostly napping) and then go to bed. I get excited about my life when I'm in bed by 9pm. How exciting is that to a prospective dater?

4. We can't go on dates because I'll run into my students. 

It's just awkward, you know? They always ask in class the next day: "Ms. Teacher, who was that guuuuuuy you were with? Is he your booooooyfriend?" Then the whole class will go "oooooooo" and my lesson will be completely derailed for 10 minutes because students are shockingly good at not talking about math in math class. 

5. You will never be able to lie to me. 

The sensors in my head that detect when someone is lying to me have been honed and perfected due to the extreme amount of lying that happens in a junior high school. I had some embarrassing encounters before my lie sensors were fully developed. Once a girl talked to me every day before class for a week about her little sister who was sick and had to be taken to the hospital in an ambulance and they didn't know what was wrong with her and she was staying in the hospital for days. When then student's mom came to parent teacher conferences I asked how her daughter in the hospital was doing. She looked at me like I was a loon and said "I don't have any other daughters." I know better now. 

6. Eating with me is a joke. 

I've trained myself to scarf down my meals in 5 minutes or less without even sitting down and with taking time to yell at the students who talk during lunch detention. Spending an hour at a restaurant is just going to feel like a waste of time. I'll probably start thinking about all the tests I have to grade. 

7.  I'm used to getting my way. 

Every day of my life is filled with me telling people to do things. They either just do it, or they don't do it at first so I shoot them a "teacher look" and then they do it. Not doing what I say is just not an option. This causes problems in my real life when, for example, I try to get my sisters to give me the last piece of their chocolate orange and they just won't. I don't have the coping mechanisms to deal with that. 

So there you have it. Try to keep it on the DL though because I don't really want to never go on a date ever again.