Teenagers Say the Darndest Things (11)

Me: I am going to show you a really cool video I found yesterday.
Student: Are you sure it's actually cool?
Me: Yes, it's totally cool.
Student: But you think math is cool...

Student: If your hair naturally that blonde?
Me: Nope.
Student: Are you--oh! Dang it, I was so excited to ask if you were an albino.

"Would it be okay if I ran to my first period really quick? I left my pet lizard in my desk on accident."

Me: *teaching* We can't combine those x's yet because they are inside the parenthesis. Remember they are in parenthesis prison until we do what the parentheses are asking us to do.
Student: I feel like I'm in parenthesis prison.

Click below for past posts of teenagers saying the darndest things.
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That Time When My Student Was a Human Fan

Schools are always unbearably hot. I am telling you that it is 12 degrees outside right now, and I am wearing a tshirt and flats because I get way too hot if I wear anything else. I don't understand it. Aren't we trying to save money? Can't we start by just turning down the heater a bit?

Anyway, one day my students and I were all sweating to death while we were trying to do math. It was bad. No one could focus and we all shed as much clothing as you can in a public school.  In a moment of desperation one of my students decided to make the ultimate sacrifice and become a human fan for us. She tied her jacket around her waist and held it out like a cape and then ran, full speed, around the room. It worked! Her gust of air as she went running past felt just like a nice cool breeze blowing by, and we all cooled down. She nearly died, but at least we got a moment of relief and also some laughs.

Why I write postcards to all of my students

For the past couple of years I have written every student a post card and given it to them on their last day of class with me. I think it's a nice gesture because I genuinely feel like I have real love for every single student, and I want them to know that I feel that way, Also, I have noticed that when I know I am going to writing post cards to students I treat my students a bit differently. I make an effort talk to every single student and get to know them on a personal level, instead of just the rowdy or outgoing students.  I keep notes about the things that I talk to them about so that I can remember to ask them about it again later and remember to write it in their post card. I truly believe it helps me and them connect better. I also truly believe that you can get anyone to do anything (including miserable math) if they know that you truly care about them.

That Time My Students Complimented Me

Teenagers aren't the best at compliments. They're usually way more prone to pointing out my flaws by asking things like "Why is all of your hair yellow but it's black right on your scalp?"

The other day I wore a new outfit to school and I apparently did something right in those teenagers' minds because I got a compliment! One student said "You look really cute today! I mean you always look cute, but today you're outfit is like an outfit I would actually wear if I  had to."

How I feel when I see students outside of school:

When I was in high school I thought that the most awkward thing that could happen to a person would be to see their teachers outside of school. Now that I'm a grown up (kind of) I realize that I was close, but the actual worst thing is to be a teacher and see your students outside of school. 

It is such a strange experience! Usually they are with their parents and I feel like I have to say things like "I promise that I don't wear elastic-ankle sweats and un-brushed hair when I am actually teaching. I am reasonable human being, despite how I look right now."  (I realize I could avoid this by just looking like a teacher every time I go out in public, but that's difficult.)

I feel like my students are literally everywhere. Here are some examples:

1. My family came to visit me a while ago.  As we were making our way to the restaurant I was explaining to them that I see my students everywhere. We were all laughing about some of the stories as we were walking in to the restaurant and then I hear my name shouted from the street as a car drives by with a bunch of teenage arms sticking out of it waving at me.  Case in point.

2. One of the perks of living in a rural area is that it's pretty easy to get out in nature and feel that awesome isolated feeling. The other day I was hiking with a friend. We had been walking for over an hour without even hearing another human being. I was enjoying the view and the fresh air and quiet. All of a sudden I hear someone running up behind me. My first thought was that I was about to get murdered, but I turned around and guess who was there? Not just one student, oh no. It was the entire high school cross country team just out for a trail run.  Of course. I can never get away.  

3. Obviously I'm going to run into students when I live in the same town as them, but these stories of student encounters often go beyond the limits of my town. Last summer I was headed out on a cruise. I was loving the summer life and hadn't seen a student in weeks, so I was feeling good about things.  I'm standing in line to check in and look across the crowds of people and there, checking into the same cruise as me, is an old student. Of course. My life. 

That Time My Student Wanted Me to Date Her Uncle

I have this student who I like a lot. She's super sassy, which is probably one of my favorite qualities in a girl.  She would talk to me after school a lot and was overly interested in my personal life (which is nothing new, literally every student is). She told me from time to time that she wanted me to date her uncle. He sounded great honestly. He is my age, has a good job, no kids, doesn't live with his parents. These are all things that are hard to come by in a small town.

She kept pushing the issue for literally months. I kept dodging it because it just feels weird to have students controlling your dating life.  Eventually she told me that she showed him my Facebook picture and that he said I was cute. (Apparently my Facebook needs to be way more private.) I told her that if he was looking at my picture then I want to look at his, so she pulled up his Facebook profile for me.  He was definitely cute. So then I kept scrolling. His second picture was him in a tux next to a girl in a wedding gown. Huh?! I asked "Is your uncle married?!" and she answered "Well yeah, but I've never liked her."

Teenagers say the darndest things. (10)

After I attempted to draw a helicopter on the board:
Student: That's not a helicopter, that's an angry tomato with an eye patch and a sword.


Student: Can I shave off your eyebrows?
Me: No, but thanks for asking.


Student: Do you make your own PowerPoints?
Me: Yes.
Student: They are as on fleek as... well as someone else's eyebrows. Mine are struggling today.


Me: What are you doing?
Student 1: I made a personal lint roller.
Me: *stares*
Student 1: I wrapped a piece of tape around my finger and now I can lint roll myself. A personal lint roller!
Student 2: Have you ever met a lint roller that wasn't personal?
Student 1: I've never met any lint rollers.
Me: If you're lint rolling then you aren't working on math. Get to work.


Student 1: Ms. Teacher, she is drawing inappropriate things on the whiteboard!
Student 2: I'm not! It's a cat.
Student 1: You are drawing a penis right now.
Student 2: (horrified) WHAT?!
*see the drawing below drawn by my most innocent student*

Click below for past posts of teenagers saying the darndest things.
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